Take a Leap of Faith

[Isabella River]

• 11:11 - a time for hopeless wishes of the lonely.
  
  I never believed such things as "make a wish, it will happen" / "follow your dreams, they'll come true". There is no such thing, simply because things don't just happen. Someone once told me that everything happens for a reason - I don't know why, I kind of remember everything he ever said to me. It's a funny thing, actually. But anyway. I think he was right. You can't just expect things to happen, you know ? You have to go out there and make it come true.
  But I have wishes, I have dreams. Just like everybody else.
  
  I have so many questions, so many things I wish I could tell you. This, everything, is messing with my mind.. It won't go away. I know we decided it was better if it would, but it just won't. I guess I will always love you somehow.
  I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought "What happened to you ? Your eyes are red, your head hurts, you feel pain in each and every bone and you don't even know what you feel."
  I wanted to laugh at myself. Because what I did was wrong. But I have to say this - it felt to right.
  
  Everything you said.. I can't even explain how it felt. It was beyond perfect. Except the fact that my heart was happy, but my brain kept telling me I'm a horrible person.
  I felt guilty because I wanted to be yours. I wanted to be in your arms, I wanted so many things with you.
  
  But are you what I always thought you are ? Are you ?
  Because you keep telling me you're not good for me. But I want you. You might feel like you're a mistake, but then you're a mistake I'm wiling to make. How do you know you're not good for me ? I loved you at your worst, I always loved you.
  Okay, I know I have to stop. I promised I won't bring it up again. It just hurts because you said it can't happen because I'm taken. So could it be possible ?
  Could I be good enough for you ? Could my love be what you want ?
  I didn't have the courage to ask you this. And I know I won't ever be able to ask you this..
  
  Just know that I want you to hold me. That's all.